“Blithe Spirit” Audition Monologues* (British accents are not required.) MRS. BRADMAN (sympathetic & chatty): I do sympathize with you, really I do. It’s really been quite a chapter of accidents, hasn’t it? That happens sometimes, you know. Everything seems to go wrong at once. Exactly as though there were some evil forces at work. MR. BRADMAN (jovial & caring): Don’t worry about your husband’s arm, Mrs.Condomine – I’m sure it’s only a slight strain. He made a great deal of fuss when I examined it – men are such worse patients than women, you know – particularly highly strung men like your husband. As a matter of fact, I wanted to talk to you about that. I’m afraid he’s been overworking lately. RUTH (furiously): I’ve been doing my level best to control myself ever since yesterday morning and I’m damned if I’m going to try any more! It’s been a nightmare – and I am not going to do it anymore. I don’t like Elvira any more than she likes me and what’s more I’m certain that I never could have, dead or alive. CHARLES (softly, cautiously at first but then becomes stronger in voice and attitude): Ruth – Elvira – are you there? (A pause.) Ruth – Elvira – I know damn well you’re there – (Another pause.) I just wanted to tell you that I’m going away so there’s no point in your hanging about any longer – I’m going a long way away – somewhere where I don’t believe you’ll be able to follow me – in spite of what Elvira said I don’t think spirits can travel over water. Is that quite clear, my darlings? You said in one of your more acid moments, Ruth, that I had been hagridden all my life! How right you were – but now I’m free, Ruth dear, not only of Mother and Elvira and Mrs. Winthrop Llewellyn, but free of you too and I should like to take this farewell opportunity of saying I’m enjoying it immensely. MDME. ARCATI (explaining, in a light and charming manner): I shall place myself between you and your wife, Mr. Condomine, and rest my hands lightly upon yours – I must ask you not to address me or move or do anything in the least distracting – is that quite, quite clear? Of course, I cannot guarantee that anything will happen at all – Daphne may be unavailable – she had a head cold very recently, and was rather under the weather, poor child. ELVIRA (coy & flirtatious) What do I want? I don’t know what you mean. It’s horrid of you to be so suspicious. All I want is to be with you. And I mean alone, darling. If you go and pamper Ruth and smarm her over, she’ll probably come flouncing down again and our lovely quiet evening together will be spoilt. EDITH (Goes from drowsy with sleep to frightened in 60 seconds.) I’m sorry, sir – I could have sworn I heard the bell-or somebody calling - I was asleep… (Sees Mdme. Arcati and knows she is in trouble.) Oh! Oh dear…Let me go – I haven’t done nothing nor seen nobody – let me go back to bed. *In addition to the monologues, there will be cold readings from the script.